Annie this was truly such a beautiful message to come home to after a tiring day at work, a tiring week of confusion, worry, fear or failure and feelings of self doubt all tangles together- control is a concept that has crippled my soul and starved me from the freedom of fully expressing my self in the quest of perfection or as you said, excellence. I’ve realized this doesn’t exist, and at 21 years old I’m struggling every day to decide how to prioritize my responsibilities and self-imposed projects, goals, etc. But this year I have come to see that even though feeling in control of myself (for me this manifests through over exercise and disordered eating) which although may appease my anxiety and fear for the present moment in which I feel “in control”, is only draining my energy of keeping me from experiencing the vibrancy and joys of listening to my present, intuition. It keeps me from experiences with friends, family, art, my passions, all because of the amount of energy exercising control takes up in my life. End of the day: I hate control, control needs to leave, It’s fake, phony, no good. Maybe this all made sense, most likely not, but your post today helped remind me that this control I can’t let go of won’t leave me alone until I stare it dead in the face courageously and let it go. Alas, today isn’t the day. I’m too tired to give up control today- ha, wow.
Thank you for sparking reflection and giving me this time to pause and just free journal I guess on your blog- hopefully that’s ok! Sending love and sun💛
Annie this was truly such a beautiful message to come home to after a tiring day at work, a tiring week of confusion, worry, fear or failure and feelings of self doubt all tangles together- control is a concept that has crippled my soul and starved me from the freedom of fully expressing my self in the quest of perfection or as you said, excellence. I’ve realized this doesn’t exist, and at 21 years old I’m struggling every day to decide how to prioritize my responsibilities and self-imposed projects, goals, etc. But this year I have come to see that even though feeling in control of myself (for me this manifests through over exercise and disordered eating) which although may appease my anxiety and fear for the present moment in which I feel “in control”, is only draining my energy of keeping me from experiencing the vibrancy and joys of listening to my present, intuition. It keeps me from experiences with friends, family, art, my passions, all because of the amount of energy exercising control takes up in my life. End of the day: I hate control, control needs to leave, It’s fake, phony, no good. Maybe this all made sense, most likely not, but your post today helped remind me that this control I can’t let go of won’t leave me alone until I stare it dead in the face courageously and let it go. Alas, today isn’t the day. I’m too tired to give up control today- ha, wow.
Thank you for sparking reflection and giving me this time to pause and just free journal I guess on your blog- hopefully that’s ok! Sending love and sun💛